Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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