you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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