ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
