there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
