If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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