When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
