Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize