worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
