im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
