i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
