i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
