She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize