I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
