I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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