Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
