No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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