i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
