Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
