i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize