I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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