So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
