You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
