are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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