Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
