You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
