Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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