I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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