I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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