she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
