He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
