i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
