you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
