plz talk dirty to me
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
