I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
