I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
