You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
one might say we're banned from that church
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
