U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
