we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
