Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
