Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
