she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
