I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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