fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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