i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
