Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
