one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize