Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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