um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
