I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
