She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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