what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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