so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
