he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
