It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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