Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
