he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
