He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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