you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
