Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize