Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
