I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
