its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
