She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
