he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
