i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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