kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
