How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
