it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
