he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize