Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
